Life and other weird things

Do I want to die in this cesspool of code . I am not motivated by my work. sad as it is to write this, it's true.

I want to be doing something in movies. Make a great film. That's my dream. Why am I not going after it ?
Coz I'm too damn scared.
Too unorthodox.

Right now, I am too fed up with life. I am angry. I just heard news that one of my old friends has met with a serious accident and may not make it out alive.

What do I want to do with my life ? I want to SCREAM. I want to act. To write a great screenplay. Who will help me get into an institute to do it ? Me. But no guts.

God, give me GUTS . Give me DRIVE.
I HATE what I'm doing right now. Punching code for the white men.

GIVE ME A LIFE. I will do it myself.

Whenever I hear that song by Julie Andrews, I can't help but sing along. The Sound of Music is a movie that I have been watching since I was - maybe 4 years old.
Raindrops on roses. Whiskers on kittens. Kettles and warm woollen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings.

Just thought of making a list of my favorite things today. A la Maria Von Trapp.

Three hour long suspense thrillers. Guavas. The smell of wet mud on the first day of the monsoons. A visit to the zoo. Tom Paxton. Bob Dylan. Satyajit Ray. Butter chicken. Tintin in Tibet. Flight 714. Byomkesh Bakhshi. Butter Naan. Green grapes. A trip to Munnar. Belur Math, Calcutta. Driving. A warm bed. A warm bath. A head massage. The Bengali language. The French language. Goa. Browsing at ultra large bookstroes. Fast internet connections.

But above all - two things. The Hound of the Baskervilles, and Bondi Bir by Tagore.

It's surprising how few things you can list once you are asked to. Funny.

In the same vein....things I would like to do in my life.

Visit all the inhabited continents. Raise a close knit family. Be able to converse in at least 7 languages. Spend a night at the Waldorf Historia in New York. Head the branch of the Company I work for.

Seems bizzarre.

Language has always been an intriguing subject for me. I sometimes with I had chosen to study arts and got to know more about how languages evolved and what makes each language unique from the other.
But then I guess I would have written something similar about computers !

I am presently trying to pick up some basic Portuguese. Just enough to converse a bit and get by.

Every time I pick up a new language I am fascinated by it. At the time when I started on Arabic, what struck me was the inherent simplicity of the language. No joined letters. The absence of sounds like P and G (as in Goat) which are so taken for granted in the rest of the world.

One language I would love to get an idea about is the one spoken by the Kalahari bushmen. I first heard this strange tongue in the movie 'The gods Must be Crazy'. Man ! It has the weirdest sounds I had ever heard. And it is rumored to be one of the oldest languages ever. The intriguing part was the sound made by clicking the tongue, which the writers in english represent by an exclamation mark. For instance the lead Bushman's name was !Xi, which would be pronounced (click)Xi.

Another interesting language is one spoken by an American Indian tribe, which has just 5 consonant sounds. The name of the tribe escapes me, but it'll come back one I am through writing this blog I'm sure !

I seriously doubt whether science will ever figure out how the brain actually learns a language. I like to wish that some things in this world are best left undiscovered. It would tak the thrill out of things. For instance, the thrill I feel when I see a child speaking for the first time, and then actually be witness to the evolution of the brain over time, is something I shall never be able to put down in words.

I remember reading in the Bible that languages were a curse from God onto humans. There apparently were a bunch of men who wanted to build a tower to heaven. That was when all men in the world spoke one language. To thwart their evil ambition, God makes them all speak in different languages, confusing them and forcing them to abandon their tower-building plans.

Personally I doubt whether God ever meant languages to be a curse. A world with one language ! Just how BORING would that be ! Why, there might not even be that wonderful language spoken by the Bushmen of the Kalahari ! No. I cannot believe anything other than that the gift of languages is a wonderful thing. A door to the mind of cultures. A way to express in words what one feels in one's heart.

Two of my favourite words, which express a world of feeling using just a few letters:
illumine. altruistic. I don't know why I like them, I just do. Theree are many more, and I go over a sentence I read many times, just to go over that word again and again.

More on these topics in a later post.

......But not easy. Thus spake Rafiki the monkey in the Disney masterpiece 'Lion King'.

It's truer than many of us would think. I've been meaning to change my ways for a long time now, but the push came when I had a huge disagreement with a person I cared about.

Anger is a thing best kept in the can, and there has to be other outlets for a person's temper. I think I have found what works for me, but it's too early on to put up here on the blog.

The human mind is a strange machine. Man made machines rust if left unused. The brain however, does not. It keeps itself busy doing things which are unproductive. And if it is subjected to a certain amount of pressure, it is bound to snap and behave in unpredictable ways. An otherwise sane person decides to change colors.

I realise and respect the fact that there are people in the world who are extremely smart.
In the process that led to fully sppreciating the above conclusion, I have come to realise how absolutely naive and stupid I am. I have realised that the obvious is often so, and the evident often escapes me.

I remember reading somewhere in the Mahabharata - 'A word that has left one's lips is more dangerous than an arrow from the bow.' I find myself in full comprehension of this fact today.

If anyone needs to change, improve and smarten up, it's me.

The weekend was eventful…..with a trek with mein freund P.Singh and his old batch mates.

We had a refreshing walk up to the Bhaja caves which is about 20 km from Lonavala. The caves here were reminiscent of the ones at Ellora, and as I had learnt there, I kept myself – to the extent that is possible in these occasions - from questioning who built these stupendous monuments, and why ? At times like this, I just like to think of my ever favorite books ‘The Chariot of the Gods’ by Erich von Daaniken, and Herge’s ‘Flight 714’, and comfort myself with the thoughts posed there. More on that in a later post.

The striking this about the Bhaja caves was its sheer location. I mean – what, pray went on in the minds of the ancients who wanted to hew out temples out of solid rock? Each small sculpture made here is a worthy competitor to a Michelangelo creation, and yet no one knows the names of these artists, who lived and died in this land of ours, leaving their mind blowing signatures behind. We even found an inscription in an old dialect of Kannada. Thrilling, to say the least.


An interesting thought voiced by a guy called Vivek, who came with us on the trek, was
that may be, the so-called monks who lived in these stone monoliths did a lot more than just spend their lives in prayer. I like to think that they did a lot more as well. Maybe they were warriors. Maybe they were kings. It could be that these caves were the holiday homes for some eccentric king of yore. Call me skeptical and short sighted, but I find it difficult to think that an army of master craftsmen would be employed to build structures (note the plural – there are so many of such caves in Maharashtra alone – all ostensibly built in the same time in history) that would solely be used for the propagation of a faith. I need to read more on this.

About 5 km from the Bhaja caves lies, or rather rises, the Lohgadh fort. I have not seen a better maintained fort yet. It looks almost new. The intriguing thing is that the architecture is distinctly Muslim, but with Hindu carvings thrown in. Probably added by the minions of the Marathas who conquered the fort later, to show who was boss.

I am having serious thoughts about reading more and more about the ancient history of India as the days pass. It seems so incredibly romantic that this country, now almost a shameful distortion of what civilization should shape up like, should have once housed rulers who envisioned wonders like Ellora, Konark and the Taj Mahal. What a thing it must have been then to be a citizen of this nation !

Some photographs need to be added to this post soon, as soon as the arrangements are up.

Thought I'll write my two cents about a love of my life today.

Tintin.

For as long as I can remember I have been reading Tintin stories. I have my mother to thank for that. I remember, I must have been, maybe 3 years old, and we were staying at the rented Bachammal road apartment in Bangalore. My mother used to go down to the Mecca circulating library and bring up some Tintin's to read to me. Though I have never said it out loud, it's something for which I will be grateful to her forever.

Another person who was my fellow tintinophile was Rabboni. His faults were many, as I later came to know, but his love for books - and above all for Tintin - was genuine. How can I forget that he was the one who first laughed with me reading the 'Acting the Goat' sequence from 'Destination Moon'. The sequence still cracks me up. It brings tears to my eyes everytime I think of Haddock's face as he tries to deal with Calculus' fiery and unexpected outburst.

One of my all time favorite Tintin adventures is the Calculus Affair. I have always been a fan of the detective genre, and this Tintin comic is loaded with all the stuff that makes for a cozy night's reading of detective fiction. Except that it feels like a movie.

Ooohhh. Words can't describe it. Jolyon Wagg. Professor Topolino. The whiskers of Kurvi Tasch. The satire. The comedy. Alfredo.....Cartofolli di Milano. And the king of all comedy moments in the book - the policeman's expression on hearing the HUGE name.

I bought a book on Tintin by Michael Farr recently and was thrilled. The sheer amount of research Herge put behind each of his works took my breath away. made me realise how much poorer the world would have been without Tintin.

A thing that is exceptionally impressive about Herge is his visionary ability to forsee the future. From Farr's book I came to know that Herge has drawn color televisions in Tintin years before they were actually introduced. He also gave life to the whole moon adventure a full 10 years before the actual moon landing.

Here was a man, who was an amazing combination of a storywriter, artist and visionary. How he could capture those human reactions with an exactness seldom found in any cartoon !

Another favorite sequence of mine is in Red Rackham's Treasure, where the Captain is trying to endure the deafness of the Professor. It's a laugh riot when the Captain finally chalks it out on the walls that 'We are NOT interested in your machine !'....

I am looking forward to the time when I can buy the complete Tintin set - in the new - no matter how much it costs. These items are as priceless as a happy moment in one's life.

Now to get back to exploring the new links at Tintin.com.

There's a poem by the famous Bengali poet Kazi Nazrul which I used to love (still do) to recite - which goes....

Bhagavan-er fouzdari court, nei shekhane jaat bichar,
Tor poite tiki tupi topor, shob shekhane akakkar,
Jat she shikay tola robay, kormo niye bichar hobay,
Shetha bamun chandal ek goalay, norok kimba shorge thoa....

Though I can't get around getting the exact feel behind the words across, here's what it roughly means ...

In God's court, there's no discrimination by religion
All your religious trinkets(like the thread, and caps) will be cast to one side
Your caste will be thrown aside, and you will be judged by your work
There the bramhin will stand next to the chandal, be it in heaven or in hell.....

The recent Tsunami made me think about this poem a lot. It also made me think if it would make people a little more sensible. I have come to believe that there is a vast number of people in the world who obstinately believe that, when it comes to religion, they and their kind know best.

These people would do well to look at pictures of the destruction wreaked by the monster wave that devastated the lives of so many millions across Asia. The wave did not discriminate and wipe off members championing any particular line of thought.

It's unbelievable, but I have even come across this bizarre angle of perception, that the tsunami striking on the 24th of December is God's way of showing that the Christian religion is a false set of beliefs. Interesting. Is that why more than a hundred thousand Hindus, Muslims and Buddhists were killed in the wave's savage attack ?

It's time all of us started taking the literal aspects of religion a little less seriously, and respect religion for what is really is - a basic set of insider jargon just telling us to follow our own conscience and do what is right. Our conscience is the greatest religion.

Again......in Nazrul's words...

Mithya shunini bhai
ei hridoyer cheye boro kono mondir kaaba nai....

roughly meaning

It's true what I've heard
There's no bigger temple or Kaaba than this heart.....

What could be truer ? What could be more relevant to our world today ?
Why do people insist that the most unreal aspect of their respective organized religions are most worth concentrating on ?

Why doesn't the average Christian realize, that to an average Hindu, stories of Jesus rising from the dead sound just as ridiculous as stories of a ten headed demon sound ?
And how long will it be before we realize that it's more important to love our neighbours as our own selves, and to submit to our teachers whole heartedly, as preached in the Bible and the Gita, than to quarrel over the non essentials ?

I guess that's why God, who obviously is beyond such petty human vices like religion, gave all men a way to become equal. Death. There never is a bigger leveler. Can anyone in this world tell a Hindu from a Buddhist from the torn bodies on the Sri Lankan seaside ?

Undoubtedly, it is the Almighty's way of showing us who is boss at the end of it all.

I guess I need to live my life to the fullest, and to the best of my ability. Because when the Leveler comes knocking, I don't want to have any regrets.

An ancient Arab saying to close this post. This sentence has so much meaning hidden in it, that you could read it many times and interpret it in a new way each time. Such is its beauty.

"Praise Allah ! For in his wisdom, he placed death at the end of life, and not at it's beginning."

Discovered today that some people really suck.
Today a chap I know tried to create a misunderstanding between me and another guy who is - like a friend of mine. The thing is all the more complicated because noth these guys are room-mates of mine.

Fortunately no serious misunderstanding took place....proving to me once again that talking straight and to the face is better than cooking things in one's mind.

But this chap who created the problem - a guy named Nishant Lamba - turns out to be a sick individual - who seems to get a strange kick out of this kind of behavious.

Hope nothing else happens to damage existing relationships.

Don't ask.

Yes. I wasn't really taken by the work offered to me at Infosys, and decided to join iFlex Solutions in Mumbai instead. At least the pay is a whole lot better. I have to be in Mumbai for a month, after which I will be posted to the Pune office, where for me, a more ideal place of work - and other interests - lie.

I joined iFlex today, and got the taste of what a small company feels like. And hey, it feels like - nice !

Everyone seems to know everyone else. It's the feeling I got when I moved from Bangalore to stay in Goa. Suddenly, a lot of things are not as formal as they used to be. And according to my freind Subendhu, you get recognised for every little thing you do. Which in a way is a whole lot more valuable and satisfying than money.

I will be staying at the company owned accomodation in Kandivali for the next month.

Here's to iFlex, and to hoping that I made the right career move.

How Much Land Does a Man Need ? This has been one of my favorite Leo Tolstoy stories.
Pahom runs around all day - in his greed to own as much land as possible. Finally he dies of exertion and gets nothing.
The most poignant scene from the story is its ending. The Bhaskirs giving water to the dying Pahom, who will soon leave the world without realising that six feet of land was all a man ever needed.

I wonder if my life is going the same way.

Here I am with a job in the 'Most Respected Indian Company' - Infosys - and today I am being tempted with a far more lucrative offer. iFLex is a great company, and they really pushed recruiting me, and I am giving serious thought to joining them. Their HR was polite and they are offering me a good 60000 bucks more per year than this company.

But will I ruin my career in the process ?
I hope and pray not.

But I go with the flow. Always have. And by the grace of the Almighty - if there is One - things haven't been too bad.

Watch this space.